Our Story

RIP to our sweet baby girls Kora Rose and Kayda Rose - Forever and Always 

This is not easy to write but sadly, the unimaginable happened and my husband and I lost both our sweet baby girls.    

I had a very difficult and complicated pregnancy as the girls had Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  We did everything we could and for reasons that may never make sense to us, they both passed away.   My due date was September 13, 2018.  Instead, I delivered our identical twin baby girls via an emergency c-section at only 26 weeks and 2 days on June 9, 2018 at 2:30pm and 2:31pm.  They were 1 lb 14 ounces and 1 lb 15 ounces.  While small, they were perfect.  

At 20 weeks, they were diagnosed with TTTS and for the following 6 weeks, we did everything possible to save our precious babies.  Our journey included TTTS surgery in Philadelphia at the Children's Hospital, followed by bed-rest and weekly follow-up appointments with our specialists.  When my water broke, I thought I was dreaming.  I was in shock but hopeful that after all we had done, our babies would survive.  After all, I had always wished for twins so I never even thought it was possible we would actually lose them after I got everything I ever wanted.      

Today, we miss our days spent at the NICU.  They were the toughest and best days of our lives.  Kora Rose passed only 2 days after she was born and the first time I held her was after she passed.  I often think how unfair it is to never be able to hold your baby.  You can take in all their beauty and tiny features but not feel their warmth in your arms.  Kayda Rose fought hard for another 14 days and then joined her sister in heaven.  I got to hold her a handful of times before she passed away peacefully in my arms.  I will always cherish those brief moments with her and the way her tiny body rested on my chest, the warmth of her breath, and the grasp of her feisty little fingers and toes.   

I would never wish this pain and sorrow on anyone.  My husband and I watched medical staff attempt to resuscitate both our girls.  There are no words to describe the anguish and hopelessness of watching such an event.    

Until my due date, each week was a sad reminder that in an ideal situation, I would have still been pregnant. I am forever thankful that Kora Rose and Kayda Rose made me a mother.  For me, there is no greater gift than the unconditional love you have for your children and while my moments with them were brief, they will forever be my first borns, hopefully followed by a rainbow baby.  They shared a placenta just as they share their middle name and they were meant to be together.    

In this short time, I am already grateful to have the support from complete strangers through online groups and blogs.  While I wish my husband and I were the only ones feeling this unimaginable pain and sorrow as I would not wish this grief upon anyone, I am appreciative in knowing I am not alone and that my feelings are not isolated; that others can relate and provide words of encouragement as they share their own stories of strength, resilience, and unconditional, never-ending love for the babies that live in our hearts and not in our arms' grasps.